First, the confession:
It is not original (But I will never reveal my source who is close friends with an employee who works with a cousin once removed who knows somebody who once lived in a town near the Gosselins and he knows for a FACT that Kate wanted to send Jon here but he wouldn't go!!)
I have failed in my research to find the original publication, despite my best efforts of Googling the entire free world and all search engines at my fingertips. Sigh…2,931,647 sources listed and I checked every one of them! (Of course, not really and you have to have been around a while in Gosselin Blogging Land to get some of the references.)
I'm not I sure if I really wanted to babysit this blog or not. Did I really promise to do this? I did? Then a promise is a promise but Baby Mama, you'd better bring me something better from DisneyWorld than a tee shirt because since the breast augmentation I don't wear tee shirts any more! So here goes...
(Women In Charge Of Everything)
is proud to announce the opening of its
EVENING CLASSES OPEN TO MEN ONLY!
ALL ARE WELCOME
Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants. The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:
DAY ONEHOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation
TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)
DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.
Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups
LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum
DAY TWOEMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play
HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did
IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing
HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques
REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class
GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counselors or life coaches available
PLEASE NOTE: In the interest of full disclosure, we must post the following responses on evaluations by men who have attended previous courses. Formerly this appeared only in the small print, but we've enlarged it so nobody can claim they were deceived and we get hauled into court again!
1. Empty Cartons belong in the fridge because that way they don’t go bad and stink before I have a chance to take out the garbage
2. The woman is in the kitchen to make dinner, she might as well empty the dishwasher while she’s there.
3. But every time we bring flowers you assume we did something wrong and it ends up being very harmful to our health.
4. Real men don’t get lost unless they make the mistake of letting the woman read the map.
5. Well, unless someone finds that impossible creature: a woman who CAN parallel park, we’ll never know.
6. This just scares me. I mean, just because women wanted emancipation, why did we ever agree to it?
7. Will there be Red Bull during snack breaks.
8. I have to fail! If I pass she will be unable to partake in her favorite pleasure — nagging me!
9. Look, I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
Please just lighten up folks. Learn to laugh at your own mistakes and the world around you. Have a nice day! This post will only be up for one day (maybe two or three) and then we'll go back to reality...Or maybe not.