First, the confession:
It is not original (But I will never reveal my source who is close friends with an employee who works with a cousin once removed who knows somebody who once lived in a town near the Gosselins and he knows for a FACT that Kate wanted to send Jon here but he wouldn't go!!)
I have failed in my research to find the original publication, despite my best efforts of Googling the entire free world and all search engines at my fingertips. Sigh…2,931,647 sources listed and I checked every one of them! (Of course, not really and you have to have been around a while in Gosselin Blogging Land to get some of the references.)
I'm not I sure if I really wanted to babysit this blog or not. Did I really promise to do this? I did? Then a promise is a promise but Baby Mama, you'd better bring me something better from DisneyWorld than a tee shirt because since the breast augmentation I don't wear tee shirts any more! So here goes...
W.I.C.O.E.
(Women In Charge Of Everything)
is proud to announce the opening of its
EVENING CLASSES OPEN TO MEN ONLY!
ALL ARE WELCOME
Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants. The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:
DAY ONE
HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYSStep by step guide with slide presentation
TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)
DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.
REMOTE CONTROL
Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups
LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum
DAY TWO
EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN? Group discussion and role play
HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation
REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did
IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation
LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing
HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques
REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class
GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counselors or life coaches available
PLEASE NOTE: In the interest of full disclosure, we must post the following responses on evaluations by men who have attended previous courses. Formerly this appeared only in the small print, but we've enlarged it so nobody can claim they were deceived and we get hauled into court again!
1. Empty Cartons belong in the fridge because that way they don’t go bad and stink before I have a chance to take out the garbage
2. The woman is in the kitchen to make dinner, she might as well empty the dishwasher while she’s there.
3. But every time we bring flowers you assume we did something wrong and it ends up being very harmful to our health.
4. Real men don’t get lost unless they make the mistake of letting the woman read the map.
5. Well, unless someone finds that impossible creature: a woman who CAN parallel park, we’ll never know.
6. This just scares me. I mean, just because women wanted emancipation, why did we ever agree to it?
7. Will there be Red Bull during snack breaks.
8. I have to fail! If I pass she will be unable to partake in her favorite pleasure — nagging me!
9. Look, I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
Please just lighten up folks. Learn to laugh at your own mistakes and the world around you. Have a nice day! This post will only be up for one day (maybe two or three) and then we'll go back to reality...Or maybe not.
Please let people know this is/was supposed to be funny and not a putdown of my husband (who thought it hilarious) nor Jon Gosselin, or anybody else living or dead and is based on fictional characters, lol
ReplyDeleteTigger - in answer to your question on last post, the plug portion that goes into the electrical outlet is a different size but the potion plugging into the iPhone/iPad is exactly the same. Since the USB portion on computer is interchangeable, I assumed the wall charging was the same. I didn't read the whole manual and I assumed; two mistakes.
ReplyDeleteBaby Mama thanks for your sweet tweet! I can't remember my tweeter password but read it here. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday Linda :)
ReplyDeleteI like how the empty ice cream container ends up on top of the stainless steel trash container (so that it leaves a mark that needs to be polished out :(
And who ever thought that stainless steel appliances were nice for anyone other than a single person.
I think I'm a good mom...why can't I seem to get my boys to not put the empty food boxes back in the cupboard? Must be a recessive male gene.
I heard this on the news yesterday!!
ReplyDeleteMen, notorious for being too macho to ask for driving directions, waste about $3,000 on gas over the course of their lives, according to a new study
Dee - My kids who put empties back in refrigerator and pantry say it's because recycling and trash bins are across the kitchen.
ReplyDeleteDenise - that's what GPS is for, :)
Thank goodness for quiet Saturdays in blogland!
ReplyDeleteNice Apple folks replaced the week old iPad and graciously waited to start laughing until after we left, lol.
Dee - I detest the stainless steel appliances. When we added polishing them to the chore list, I'm finding the kids pull a sleeve to cover a hand before opening them and fuss when any sibling puts hand prints all over them.
Off to sugar up the kids with ice cream. Woo hoo! Followed by football game, soccer game, and rounding up friends who are sleeping over and dropping off those who are sleeping away. Neighbors say I owe a BBQ for early am carpenter noise here, but they'll just have to wait. Hey it's always a zoo here.
Is everybody having a fun four day weekend?
This is awesome! Here's what my hubs needs to take a class on: Learning to take empty food boxes out of the cupboard! i.e. poptart boxes! It's reallllllllyyyyy annoying when the only option of the 12 I've given my son for breakfast that he agrees to is Smore's Pop Tarts, and I go in the cupboard to get some, and I put my hand in the box AND IT'S EMPTY. This causes tears, whining screaming, the whole "BUT YOU SAID I COULD HAVE SMORES POP TARTS!" meltdown. All bc Hubs left the box in there making me think (foolishly) "Oh, there's the box in the cupboard, there MUST be poptarts inside. Huh." O.M.G.
ReplyDeleteIn time, I hope my hubby remembers what I tell him day after day:
ReplyDelete1. When you're frying burgers, you don't have to sprinkle salt and pepper on the whole stovetop. (I am thankful he likes to cook)
2. Just because we got a new refrigerator, doesn't mean you can't find things in it like you did the old one.
3. When you use the last container of something or if there's just a little left, please tell me or put it on the grocery list yourself.
And I have stainless steel appliances too--what a job to keep them streakfree. If anyone knows a good product for that job, please tell us.
Cortina - I got this tip from watching Martha Stewart... Just a few sprays of plain old Windex and paper towels. I only use the polish once a week and use the Windex daily (their new formula is better for the environment than the original.)
ReplyDeleteSorry Corrina- I can type but hit wrong keys.
ReplyDeleteI am glad to know I am not alone with finding the empties, but mine have been from kids and it disrupts my grocery shopping routine because I end up thinking we don't need something when we do. Ice trays would be such an issue in my house that we must have icemaker. I am also glad to see that others aren't into the stainless appliances, they thought we were nuts at Sears for picking bisque but it goes better in the ktcheen and is easier to clean, I have a hard enough tiem with my stainless steel coffeemaker.
ReplyDeleteI would add to the lessons for men
1 One completely done project is 100 times better and more productive than 10 partway done ones.
2 You are a father, not a babysitter
3 Your wife is just as tired as you are when she gets home from work.
4. Even when she's hormonal amd moody, she still loves you, but everytimes she has an issue with you it's not caused by hormones or PMS
I think Kate would love your post and see the humor in it.
Linda thanks for the Ipad information, it kind of suprises me that Apple wouldn't make them interchangeable, other than this, how do you like the ipad?
ReplyDeletetashapork - I'm so lucky to have a spouse that has the same opinions as me on empties and crud in general. We have an auto ice maker but we exceed its capacity so still have to use added ice cube trays; I refuse to buy one of those commercial ice makers.
ReplyDelete-----
If you only charge your iPad & iPhone when syncing with computer then no problem; Apple wanted only one standard size USB size/cable. The iPad requires mire juice so different size wall plug; danger being the plug into machines being same size. They do make different color cords so we got a black one today for iPad so I don't screw up again.
It is like a huge iPhone with more. Same apps work with both for most part. Movies much easier to see, a plus for us showing things to clients. It has the same auto spell check with same stupid corrections (was=wad, love=live, of=if, etc.) which is annoying but Apple promises an update; we'll see. Can't view anything flash based since Adobe & Apple still at war. Still no scroll bars.
That said, I'm loving it. I'm restricted to lifting max of 5 lbs and all our laptops exceeded that. Most websites work great except for those with text boxes like blogger and lack of scroll bars is annoying. Huge keyboard is more like computer keyboard. Just have to get home and reload and re-sync.
Syncing all calendars is a breeze. I love that - with kids can add theirs from school website calendar including homework assignments, spouse sends ones to me and vice versa. That's huge once I figured out how. It is so light weight that much easier to carry around. If you get one and don't carry a satchel type mommy purse, opt for the case with a shoulder strap.
And, apparently more=mire, lol.
ReplyDeleteThanks Linda--I surely will try the Windex.
ReplyDeleteI always wondered if Kate visits this site.
Corrina - I have no idea. My best guess would be no. But who knows? Maybe a friend does.
ReplyDeleteHa- I got another one. How about when I ask the hubs to switch the laundry over (I ask him about 3x year to do this btw), and I go down there to find he did- but what he took out of the dryer, he put in a basket, and left sitting on the floor in front of the dryer. WHY?????????????? WHY??????????? I ask 1 stinkin favor, which shouldn't be favor, bc I wash all of his crap too, and he can't carry it upstairs. Really??
ReplyDeleteHas everybody gotten a chance to speak if they wished? If so, I'm ready to move on to Monday night? Are you ready to share the excitement?
ReplyDeleteI was going to surprise you all with the next post in the early a.m. hours, but I just can't wait!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so ready for Monday night's episode!
Pirates, Kites, and Turtles, Oh My!!!
ReplyDeleteSmell the salty beach air? Fresh paper coming in 5,4,3,2,1....
ReplyDelete